


The one with the dating app

by crookedcrown



Series: Please forgive me, if I act a little strange [3]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedcrown/pseuds/crookedcrown
Summary: aka Nile might be getting too invested.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Please forgive me, if I act a little strange [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837468
Comments: 59
Kudos: 585





	The one with the dating app

With millennial ingenuity and the power of the internet, Nile acquires a working prototype of a dating app. “It’s not connected to anything else. This information cannot be accessed.” She says, mostly for Andy’s benefit. Andy continues to eye them suspiciously as Andy and Joe hold the phones, peering at them curiously. “I thought we could change it up a little!”

Nile is making tea in the kitchen. From the corner of her eye, she can see Joe sprawled on the couch as he swipes through all the mock profiles Nile had added for “more realism”. She grins to herself when she hears Joe say, “Oh, Alexander the Great!” She thought it was a nice touch.  
  
“Nope,” Andy says. She had been sitting quietly in the neighbouring armchair for so long, they both thought she was asleep.  
  
“What?” Joe asks. “You want me to turn down Alexander _the Great_?” He says with emphasis.  
  
Andy cracks open an eyelid. “Trust me,” she says.  
  
Joe grumbles to himself, but turns his attention back to the phone.  
  
Andy knows and is immensely grateful that she missed the worst of Joe and Nicky's honeymoon period when they had finally gotten their acts together in the early years. Still, she has walked in on or overheard Joe and Nicky more times than she cares to admit. And yet, Alexander and Hephaestion had been even worse, _truly insufferable_. How Alexander was able to conquer as much as he did in the time he had, with all the looking, and touching, and actual fucking Andy will never know and is still, to this day, impressed by it. ‘The Great’ must have been in reference to his time management.

Nile is brushing up on her Spanish at the kitchen table when she hears Andy walk in. She is surprisingly heavy-footed when she doesn’t need to be sneaking around.   
  
She doesn’t look up until Andy sits down across from her. “You think you’re helping Nicky.” Nile feigns confusion, tries to keep her eyes wide, but she might also be blinking a little too quickly. “You think you’re giving him an advantage by having them separated.” Andy says, oh so casually, suspiciously so.  
  
Nile knows Joe and Nicky are keenly aware of each other whenever the other is in sight. And she has seen how Joe exploits that with all his unnecessary stretching and sighing. Letting his shirt ride up to expose just a flash of skin. And she’s also seen Nicky sitting very still, watching, fingers twitching on his thighs. And maybe Nile likes to favour the underdog, the party who carries a little more honour than Joe does when it comes to flirting.  
  
“I don’t know what you mean,” she replies evenly.  
  
Andy grins at her, perhaps a little bit impressed with Nile playing a little dirty. “Interesting, interesting.” She tips back her chair and kicks both feet onto the table between them. She leans back to balance on two legs.   
  
Nile frowns at her.   
  
“Have you ever noticed that Joe often speaks in paragraphs when a single sentence was all that was necessary?”  
  
Nile shrugs, trying to keep her face unreadable and yet keenly aware she may be walking into a trap.  
  
“How the language he uses is more colourful, evocative, and...” Andy trails off, as if she can’t quite articulate her last thought.  
  
Nile can’t help herself. She sees now how her inexperience may have led her to build her sandcastle too close to the incoming waves. “Romantic,” she supplies dutifully, like she’s an actor in a play speaking someone else’s words.  
  
“ _Yes._ Romantic.” Andy drops her chair back to all fours, feet sweeping back onto the floor in one impressively fluid motion.  
  
“And you like that?” It’s a weak attempt at deflection and Andy looks almost pityingly at Nile.  
  
“No,” Andy says, “I often want to smother him with a pillow. But,” she snaps her fingers like it has just occurred to her, like she hadn’t been sitting on it for over an hour, biding her time. “You know who does like it - no,” she corrects herself, “ _loves_ it?”  
  
As if on cue, a door at the back of the house slams open. They both watch as Nicky appears, his posture unusually stiff, as he takes uneven, halting steps into the living room.  
  
“Nicky!” Joe says brightly. “What are you-” Nicky already has his hands tucked under Joe’s armpits and is hauling him off the couch. “But I’m not-” Joe starts to protest, the phone tumbling from his hands.  
  
“No more texting,” Nicky mutters as he drags Joe into the bedroom.  
  
Nile opens her mouth to speak, but Andy holds up a finger, letting the moment get comfortable, and then says, “Nicky does,” with unnecessary flourish. Like they hadn’t just witnessed the courting rituals of cavemen. “You didn’t think all of that would translate into writing, as well?”  
  
“Alright, alright.” Nile mutters, and slams her money on the table.

**Author's Note:**

> Now I think we should all take a moment to speculate what was written on their dating bios. Because you know they did it for each other. 
> 
> Here’s my two cents: Nicky is painfully earnest. He speaks of Joe’s creative soul and his quest to find his beloved. Meanwhile, Joe... Well... Let's just say Nile made him rewrite it many times. Honestly, looking back, that should have been a red flag then and there.


End file.
